I was introduced to Mary GingerDoodles after she read one of my posts about being a Ginger (for those of you who don’t know, a Ginger is a redhead.. and only Gingers can use the term.. ) and we’ve bonded in red-headed sisterhood since. When I put out the call for guest writers, she asked to be part of it and man am I glad she did – I love this post. She’s been blogging for almost 2 years, so make sure you give her a read – you’ll be glad you did.

Because Kristen and I initially bonded over our titian tresses, it seemed only fitting to offer this homage to our sassy hair and sassier personalities. on being a redhead

Ten Reasons Why Having Red Hair Sucks:

10.  Because it is usually accompanied by skin so pale that you tend to glow in the dark
like Gollum and are often caught cradling bottles of SPF 9000 sunscreen, which you
refer to as “My Precioussssssssss.”

9.  Because if you forget your preciousssss you will have to be kept out of direct sunlight
for fear of turning into the lobster special of some famous Food Network chef.  Even
microwave ovens and certain types of lightbulbs have the potential to filet your overly-
sensitive flesh and therefore instill fear and loathing in you every time you pass those
aisles in Home Depot or Walmart.

8.  Because being ginger means you require, on average, 20% more anesthesia to knock you
out, which explains why so many of us are traumatized by dentists, doctors, and empty
bottles of Vicodin.

7.  Because there all sorts of colorful epithets for your flaming fringe such as Carrot Top,
Fire Truck, Rusty, Tomato, Matchstick, Duracell, Leprechaun, Ronald McDonald, etc.;
people also assume that because we are ginger, we have no souls.

6.  Because everyone wants to sleep with us to see if we’re as fiery as our hair.

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5.  Because everyone imagines that if you have red hair you must have an equally volatile
temper.  And you might.  Or the people around you could just be assholes.  But that’s never
the default assumption.

4.  Because people around you (especially men) become inexplicably obsessed with interior
design,  particularly with whether or not your floor coverings match your draperies.

3.  Because famous redheads include Napoleon, Lizzie Bordon, Squeaky Fromme,
Oliver Cromwell, General Custer, Emperor Nero, Henry VIII, Leon Trotsky, Donald
Trump, Mary Magdalene and Judas Iscariot.  Whoopsies.

2.  Because pale eyelashes and eyebrows can make our eyes seem to disappear, no
doubt exacerbating the misguided belief that we have no souls.

1.  Because prejudice still exists.  Just last year one of the country’s biggest sperm banks
stopped accepting donations from red-headed men because there was “too little demand.”

Ten Reasons Why Having Red hair Is Awesome:

10.  Because since you have to stay out of the sun (or fry trying), your less-blemished skin will
fool people into thinking you’re ten years younger than you really are.  Mua. Ha. Ha.

9.  Because no one will ever look as good in fall clothing as you.  Heck, even the leaves
are considerate enough to coordinate with your hair.

8.  Because being ginger means your pale skin lets in more sunlight and thus more Vitamin D
making you more impervious to tuberculosis and scurvy.  Of course that also means you
now have to save your eyepatch for National Talk-Like-A-Pirate Day or for when you’re
pretending to be Nick Fury at a late-night screening of the Avengers.  Alternatively, you
could sew two eye patches together to make a festive new brassiere.

7.  Because of the 60% of women who dye their hair at home, fully 30%  are now purchasing
red dye.  Clearly, people only make fun of us because they desperately want to be us.  After
all, only 4% of the population has the red hair gene.  We’re unique and therefore fabulous.
Also?  Bonus??  Tim Minchin did an awesome song about us and now we’re famous.

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6.  Because everyone wants to sleep with us to see if we’re as fiery as our hair.

5.  Because Doctor Who wants to be ginger and still isn’t.  So we’re winning.

4.  Because if you have freckles (and you almost certainly do), you can make cute shapes and
animals out of them by playing Connect-the-Dots when you’re younger and then when
you’re older you can use them to write pornographic suggestions for your significant other
on date night.

3.  Because famous redheads include Antonio Vivaldi, Emily Dickinson, Queen Elizabeth I,
Vincent Van Gogh, James Joyce, the Weasleys, Mark Twain, Thomas Jefferson, Helen of
Troy, Carol Burnett, Pebbles and Wilma Flintstone, the Little Mermaid, J.K. Rowling,
Winston Churchill, Galileo Galilei and Elmo.  Still winning.

2.  Because redheads don’t gray; they go from red to sandy to white.  Also, our hair is so light
we don’t have to shave as often.  Neener, neener.

1.  Because our red hair gives us super powers.
mary stuart

 

Mary, aka Ginger LaRue, has an unhealthy obsession with Doctor Who (and other British television), musical theater and candy corn.  When she’s not busy writing about life’s random acts of
senseless humor (RASH), she’s tormenting family and friends with her puns and song parodies.  In her spare time, Mary sews, sings in a couple of choirs, and makes a wickedly good snickerdoodle.
You read about her adventures at  http://www.gingerdoodles.com or on Facebook.

 

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