An Obsession With Boobs

I’m obsessed with boobs.

Not the “oh my God what a jerk – he’s such a boob” variety but rather, the female variety.

Before you cast me off as some whack job or call the local authorities, let me explain. I know I sound like some teenage boy who can’t stop watching videos, but hear me out.

As the mother of 3 who’s always been pretty well stacked, it can be a bit discouraging that my girls Kristen Daukas Four Hens and a Roosterare starting to get.. well.. a bit lazy.

Or loose. Maybe loose is a better term.

When I’m looking down they don’t seem to be too low, but when I see pictures of myself I’ve started to notice that the girls are starting to encroach the middle point of my front frame.

And I hate it.

I miss having perky boobs so that puts me on a mission to find the perfect bra. Last year at the Spring BWT retreat, the topic came up and with 15 other middle aged women in attendance, it seems that I’m not the only one on a quest to find the perfect bra that will put her girls back where they belong. Above the Navel Dixon Line.

We want one that lifts and separates but doesn’t leave us with bullet boobs like the 40’s or Madonna and her cone bra. As we continued the discussion, one of the BWTs got busy looking for the ultimate Bra Lady and shortly after that trip, we had an at home Bra party. They were lovely, pricey and didn’t work worth a damn. Unlike my bestie, I WANT the bra that raises my girls to the point where they could also serve as a shelf because financing the cost of breast augmentation is a big investment. The only thing this bra did for me was make me feel like I was having a heart attack which from an old episode of Oprah, I know is a sure sign of a bad fitting bra..

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So now, I’m obsessed. Whenever I’m out and see a mom who is relatively endowed with perky boobs, I really want to ask her what bra she’s using. I just haven’t figured out quite how to approach the subject.

“Hi Mary Jane!! How are you? Kids look great – how’s school? You know, I’ve been dying to say something to you. You have the most amazing looking boobs! Would you mind telling me what bra you’re wearing?”

If I hadn’t been banned from the PTA before, I surely would be then. Not to mention the label I’d get from the kids…. There goes crazy, boob obsessed Mrs. D!

It’s not that I’m vain because I’m not. I’m also not trying to be trite because I am grateful that my girls are healthy as I know there are a lot that are not. However, I am concerned this might be affecting my confidence quite a lot. This is why I have explored the option of having Breast Surgery in Philadelphia.

Don’t worry… I’m not eyeing all the moms in the drop off line at school.. I’m obsessed not crazy 🙂 All I want is to know what bra I need to give my girls a front lift and not choke me to death. I also don’t want to spend $200 for a bra that’s going to last 6 months. I don’t think that’s a lot to ask, do you?

Truth be told, I think the thing that chaps my ass the most is that it means that I have to admit that I AM a 43 year old mother of 3 who has gravity working against her. When what I remember in my head is the 18 year old who was mortified to be nicknamed Bodacious TaTas.

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And I know the girls and I are not alone in this….

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December 30, 2012 at 11:08 am

I guess I can’t deny this – My first bra purchase was online at J.C. Penny. My wife was afraid of buying online. I was not afraid of the marketing data I gave JC Penny & my American Express Card.

Funny, sort of, KD.
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March 23, 2012 at 9:25 am

I am not as well-endowed as you, but I wanted to be perkier too.  shortly after seeing the first Oprah bra episode, I got myself to Nordstrom to buy the ‘right’ bra.  this was several years ago and I am still wearing the same bra.  love it!  someone even asked me if I got implants – they are half blind, but hell, it told me that the bras I bought were making a difference.  it saddens me when I see women with boobs draped to their elbows, when I know that if they had on the right bra, they could look amaaazing!  one note: I prefer Nordstrom’s measuring method over other places I’ve read/heard of.  their method is to measure directly under the boobs (this is the number on your bra); then measure from that point to the nipple (one inch = a letter).  I had been wearing a 36B and switched to a 32C – big diff!  one caveat – you need to get used to your bra feeling tighter.  believe me, it’s worth it!  so, get thee to Nordstrom!

    March 23, 2012 at 10:44 pm

     @LoriPetersen I’m going to have to go to Nordstrom. I have heard that from so many people!! It makes me crazy. Trying to find a dress for the event tomorrow really tried my patience since the only dress that would fit me was so old and matronly that I would have preferred to have worn jeans. 

      March 24, 2012 at 5:20 am

      oh, I’m sorry about the dress!  it’s so disappointing when you don’t feel good about what you’re wearing. maybe you can jazz it up by wearing some hip jewelry….?  have fun, regardless!

January 10, 2012 at 11:11 pm

Such a cute post – so entertaining! I had to check out the boob post! I am in the same position. Well endowed, 42, former pro-nurser. But I also want something comfortable. Is that even a remote possibility?!!!

    January 11, 2012 at 10:31 am

    @Anntrea Thanks!!! I firmly believe that bras and pantyhose were created by men in their attempt to keep us down 😉

January 10, 2012 at 11:10 pm

Such a cute pos – so entertaining! I had to check out the boob post! I am in the same position. Well endowed, 42, former pro-nurser. But I also want something comfortable. Is that even a remote possibility?!!!

January 10, 2012 at 2:07 pm

One day, I will no longer be wearing nursing bras. I hope you have this figured out for me by then!

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