We’ll always be best friends. You know too much about me.
Ahhh… there is so much truth in that cute little statement. Your besties were there long before the man was and definitely before the kids were there interrupting your phone conversations. So of course they’re the ones you reach out to when you’ve got good news to share, bad news to break or just have to tell them you ran into your Senior year head cheerleader and OMG! you should see her now.
But what happens when that fun conversation starts to become more of a chore than a treat? When you see her number come across your caller id and push the off button on your cell phone? There comes a time in your life when you have to evaluate your relationships and sometimes you have to make the tough decision to divorce a friend.
We can’t choose our family, but we can choose our friends.
Friends are supposed to be our happy spot. The warm and fuzzy place we go when we’re at our wits end – they’re not supposed to be more painful than working the Saturday shift at Chuck E Cheese.
So, when is it time to take a friend off your speed dial and cross them off the Christmas card list? Here are the times that I’ve had to do it or had it done to me:
You spend your entire time playing therapist. Look, we all have problems but if the majority of your time is spent talking your friend off a ledge, it may be time. I’m not talking about a major life event that they’ll get thru eventually. I’m talking every single time you talk it’s “whoa is me”. Especially if it’s the SAME situation over and over again. You listen, offer your advice, they agree and 3 weeks later, they’re back with the same catastrophe. Wash, rinse, repeat. I’m sorry, but if you trust me enough to bear your soul and ask my advice and then come back time and time again with no improvements, at some point I’m going to get frustrated at the headache I have from banging my head against a wall.
Your views are night and day. We’re not all going to believe in and support the same things. And that’s a good thing.. differences are healthy. IF it’s done with respect to the other person. There was a person that I was really close to when we were in high school and our early 20’s. As life has a way of doing, we seperated for a long time but thru the wonders of Facebook, we were “reunited” about a year ago. We were all set to meet in person for lunch and then California passed the rights for gays to marry happend the first time. I made a post on Facebook that essentially said “Props to California.. now let’s hope the rest of the country can get on track”. She wasn’t sure what I meant so she replied to that post and I responded “California passed gay marriage!”. The next day, she sent me a private message saying that she was sure that I was a wonderful person, but that our views were so different that she couldn’t see any way that we could be friends. Have a nice life and so on. And then she unfriended me. I was a little stunned but quickly realized that she had done me a HUGE favor because she’s right. There’s no way I could have been friends with anyone who was that narrow minded.
She is a gossip whore. Unless you’re a gossip whore, too. Then it’s okay. But I just don’t have time for the petty BS. I would much rather spend my energy on positive than sitting around talking trash about people. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll swap a story or two every now and again but if it’s the main source of conversation, it’s time to cut the Gossip Girl ties.
She is a negative Nellie. Sort of goes with gossip whore. Really? Your life is so miserable that you can’t think of one thing to say that’s pleasant? Life’s too short, sister. There’s the door.
Understand that I’m not flippant with my relationships but I also know that I’m in the 2nd half of my life and if our relationship is more exhausting than a 90 minute workout, I just don’t have the time. I give a lot to all my relationships and the ones that I have with my girlfriends are the ones that I cherish the most next to my girls and the Rooster. I think as women, we tend to hold onto things longer than we should because we’re inherently “fixers”. We think we can fix all that is broken so we hold on and try and try and try. There just has to be a point where we realize that it’s okay to walk away.
Trust me. You’ll be happier once you do.
I know I haven’t hit them all. What reasons have you had for walking away from a friendship?