Dawana over at A Bittersweet Existence and I like to take the same question and then each of us write a post about it and then see how similar our POVs are. It’s such a great idea that we’ve done it once. But in our defense, she was pregnant and birthing for a lot of last year so we’ll do a better job of it this year.
Our post about domestic help -v- doing it yourself was a pretty funny topic but today’s question is a bit more serious and a lot more aggravating…
Why can’t women make friends?
Before I get too far into this, let me say that I have an amazing group of girlfriends. It’s not a large group and that’s how I like it. I have new friends, best friends and old friends. I have friends that know a little about me, friends that know a lot about me and a couple who know way too much about me. I cherish them individually and collectively. Some of the friendships happened instantly and others took some time. There are some people that I’d like to be better friends with and that may or may not happen someday – who knows.
The war against women is believed to be led by men and nothing is further from the truth. Sure, there may be some of lingering members of the “old boys club” who get their geriatric thrills off of ordering the little women around but the real truth is that woman’s worst enemy is her own sorority.
The sorority of sisters.
You’ve got stay at home moms judging working moms. You’ve got childless women judging moms. You’ve got college graduates judging those who didn’t go to college. If there’s a woman out there, she’s being judged by another woman or two. Or a million.
Women will make all the motions that they support other women but 98% of the time, it’s just not the case. We talk about supporting women-owned businesses but as soon as that woman or her business are successful, suddenly we’re not as supportive. “If she’s that successful, she must be neglecting her kids and husband and her house surely is a mess.” “There’s no way she can juggle everything and do it well so she obviously chose her business.”
We will hug each other tight, wish each other good luck and good to see you’s while we’re literally stabbing each other in the back. When our kids were young, we judged other moms in the playground based on what the kids were wearing or games they were playing. If the mom didn’t make the grade, it didn’t matter if your kids got along great at the park – no way was a playdate happening.
Holy cow, y’all. This has to stop.
Not only is it horribly damaging to your own psyche but look what you’re teaching your kids – especially if you have daughters. (remember the old saying – kids learn what they live) If you don’t think your kids pick up on your attitude or hear what you’re saying, you’re a fool.
And we’re all guilty of it. Yours truly included.
I like to think that I’m not as bad as others but I spend a fair amount of time here talking about mean moms and my dislike for a few of the moms at the school. (In my own defense, I do think that I gave quite a few opportunities for them to prove me wrong – I didn’t come to the decision lightly.)
Where does it stem from? Jealousy? Low self-esteem? A mixture of them both? I don’t know where it comes from but I know where the change can come from – within. The next time you find yourself getting ready to snap off a snarky retort about another woman, just stop.
Remember that woman is someone’s daughter, sister, MOTHER. She’s carrying a load that isn’t so different from you. She struggles to make life good for her family, she worries whether the decision she made to stay at home/go to work was the right one, she wonders how they’ll afford vacation, camp, new clothes all while paying bills on time in this God-awful economy. We’re all similar. We may have different clothes, religions, attitudes and bank balances but at the end of the day, I like to think we’re all that same little 4 year old girl who didn’t care if she just met you.
She just wants to be friends. Now you take the next step.