Turning 40 was no big deal for me. As a matter of fact, I was actually pretty stoked for it. In my mind I had gotten to the age where I really and truly didn’t care what people thought of me and I stopped checking to be sure my filter was fully in place before I opened my mouth. Then I turned 41 and I was still cool with it. 42 was a bit of a cluster in my head although I can’t remember why now. Even 45 – halfway point to 50 I was okay with and honestly it wasn’t the number 46 that bothered me but rather when crap started breaking down.
Seriously? I mean.. I’ve never been a bastion of fitness and my figure is more Marilyn Monroe than Audrey Hepburn but other than that I’m in pretty good health. So what’s with the Gods dealing me (all of us, really) these little nuggets of middle age?
1. Stiff joints – I have a confession. I’m a knuckle cracker. Have been my entire life and for about as long, I’ve heard the threats that it would give me arthritis. (Which is a complete wives tale, by the way but still doesn’t stop Steve from saying it.) I have noticed the stiffening increasing over the past few years (especially my knees) but it was just last fall that I started to notice that the fingers in my right hand were starting to bother me.
2. Gray hair and hair loss – Another confession.. I was a smoker. For years I smoked and even when I quit, I didn’t really quit. Honestly, I’d start smoking again today if I weren’t so paranoid of dropping dead from a heart attack. Although, as much as I sit on my tail behind a desk, it’s probably healthier for me TO smoke. But I digress… I only mention this because smoking is one of the reasons that I started going gray so young (and is the main reason I have that wicked cool blonde chunk in the front of my hair!) but over the past couple of years, I’ve noticed that ALL my hair is going gray.. on my head, my arms, my legs – everywhere. And last year, I swear to you that my hair started THINNING! Say what?!
3. Sneeze Pee – Sneeze-pee. Laugh-pee. Cough-pee. Breathe-pee. You name it, once you hit your mid forties, you ain’t doing nothing without peeing a little. Unless you need to pee and then good luck because you leaked it all throughout the day. They’ll tell you that it’s because you had kids and while that may be a big factor, I have friends who’ve never shipped a kid out their birth canal tell me that they have the same problem, too. And no, I do not want to do a review of Depends.
4. Butt’s in the front now – There was a day when I had a pretty righteous butt. Goes along with having child-birthin’ hips. Everything on my body was in the right place.. maybe a little bit more of it than I liked, but it was where it was supposed to be. Until when? That’s right – last year. All of a sudden my ass is where my stomach used to be and my stomach is where my ass used to be. Big in the front, flat in the back. I have spent countless seconds looking in the mirror and this very bizarre phenomenon and trying to figure out how to get everything back where it belongs.
5. Bedtime is when? By nature, I am a nocturnal person. I am at my best when I can go to bed at midnight and get up around 8. Unfortunately, I work and I’m a mom who has kids that start their school day before the sun cracks the horizon so that sleep schedule is not to be. But up until last year, I could function with an 11-6 sleep schedule and feel pretty good. Now? I really, really try to get to bed no later than 10 and I’m not joking – could probably go to bed at 9! and fall sound asleep. But I refuse to do it and even if I did cave to it, couldn’t do it because the time between 8 and 11 is when I do all the work on my sites.
I know there are more but for now, I think I’m depressed enough…